Dreams 2

"Did it hurt?" She asked him with a shaky voice. The kind of voice that tells you that the person has been crying for hours. Well, but for him to come to the conclusion that she had been crying for hours, he did not need to hear her speak. Her puffy eyes said it all. They were really swollen. Her eyes looked at him through what were just slits.

"Why have you being crying so much? And don't you dare lie to me and tell me that you haven't been crying. C'mon tell me." He spoke to her gently, with kindness and love in his eyes.

"What do you mean by asking why I have been crying! You know as well as I do why I have been crying, or with all these years have you forgotten the things and reasons that make me cry? After all these years have you really forgotten and have no clue as to what makes me cry, what hurts me?"

"No, I haven't forgotten anything my love." He said and smiled, taking her hands in his.

"Your hands are really cold. Your hands never used to be cold. They always used to stay warm. She said this with a questioning look in her eyes.Remember...I always used to ask you to hold my hands whenever we came home from our little outing in the market or our walks or just after our (window)shopping expeditions on cold winter evenings?"

"Yes. I remember. How can I not." He replied gleefully and the next instant his eyes lost their shine and looked down at her feet. "You know you really must wear those woolen socks we got for you. You know you catch a cold easily if you move around too much with bare feet."

She looked at him look at her feet and said "I hate my feet. They are so ugly. So...so...without any shape."
He laughed out loud and said, "Well...I think they are beautiful."

"You would think I am beautiful even when I would lose all my hair and teeth and my skin is all wrinkled up. Why do people become so stupid in love?" She said this slowly, softly, deliberately, already knowing the answer.

"Well I wouldn't exactly used the word 'stupid'. He replied immediately, as soon as she finished her sentence. She laughed out aloud happily, seeing that she had thought right. Her laugh made him smile, realizing he had fallen for it again, but was happy that he had fallen for it because things like these really made her smile.

There was a comfortable silence after the laughter gradually died down. None of them spoke. Then she looked at his hands, which were holding her's and asked sadly, "Why are your hands so cold?" She traced a delicate line along his palms and kissed his hand. He did not feel her touch and her lips felt as if they had just kissed ice.

"I really don't know". He replied, barely audible.

She tried to hold his hand a little tighter as if trying to warm them, hoping the coldness would thaw away. It did not.


A sudden chill she felt at the back of her neck woke her up. She opened her eyes. Her chest felt heavy. She sat up on the edge of her bed. She looked at her bare feet. She stood up and walked towards the window. She stood there for a minute, staring at the black, starless sky and whispered, "I hope it did not hurt. Not too much at least."

dreams

She opened her eyes.
There was a smile on her face when she woke up.
It was a beautiful dream that she had woken up from.
She had imagined him in that room.
Lying down right besides her.
Holding her close.
It was a winter morning.
There was a certain chill in the air.
But she, she felt warm because of him.
Lying side ways, they both looked into each others eyes.
And smiled. And spoke.
In their morning after, deep but soft tones.
You are here? She asked him.
Where else would I be? he replied and played with a strand of her hair.
Hmmm...she said. I am glad you are here. It gets very cold when you are not.
Yes. It does. Doesn't it. He replied. I feel that too.
Every time I go away, I only want to come back to you.
Liar. She said and laughed. Teasing him.
No. Its true. He said with hurtful eyes. Tell me you know its true.
Haan Baba! I know its true. Don't get all serious now. Smile!
Please smile for me. You know how it makes me happy to see you smile. You don't smile that often. Have you realized?
I don't? Really? I thought I did. He said.
You do. But not as much as I would want you too. She said with a smile that was the most beautiful in the world.
Kiss me! she said. Kiss me right now. Don't talk your big heavy worded talks.
Tell me with your kiss how much you love me!!!
What! Now! Right now!!!? But we haven't even brushed yet. You hate kissing without brushing your teeth and more importantly me brushing mine!
Yes...I do. But not today. Now...stop talking and kiss me.
Just when he leaned in to kiss her she said, "You know what? Yesterday I had an amazing dream!
Yeah really! he said...unsure whether to risk making her feel that he was more interested in kissing her right then, than listening to her talk about her dream.
Yes. She said with a happy glow.
Tell me all about it. He said. Tell me about it with all its details. Leave nothing out.
Yesterday, early in the morning. Infact very early in the morning I was dreaming about you and a strange thing happened!!!
What thing? He said.
I actually felt that you were in this room and that you kissed me. Trust me it was sooo real that I felt it.
I really felt it and I woke up smiling, realizing I was only dreaming when I tried to kiss you back. She said and smiled with the sweetest embarrassed smile.
The smile warmed him up. He did not. Could not say anything.
He just held her closer. Her head on his chest. Her fingers playing with the hair on his chest.
Their legs intertwined. Their eyes closed.
The room was silent and filled with their presence, oblivious to everything else.
There was nothing else at that moment. Just them.
He turned his face slightly, gently towards her ears and whispered
You know this...this is the bestest feeling in the world.
He closed in eyes. They closed their eyes.
Both saying nothing just holding each others hands a little tighter.

The rays of the sun stared cruelly upon her face.
She tried to shade her face with her hands but that did not help.
Please go away she said. Let me sleep. I need some sleep. I have not slept in days and nights.
The sun did not relent.
Finally she opened her eyes. Looked around. She was alone in the room.
She felt the pillow and the sheet. They were both cold.
She looked at the photograph lying on the table by the bed.
The night lamp was still on. Creating a halo around the photo.
She took it in her hands. Kissed it. And whispered. Yes it is the bestest feeling in the world. Couldn't you have stayed with me for a moment longer last night.But I know you would be here again, tonight.
Before the cruel sun wakes me up.

The Hand That Rocks The Cradle

The Girl Who Wasn't There

on and on

strung out stuck out stood up walked on and it goes on and on...
look up look down never look back and it goes on and on...
besides myself inside myself within myself without myself and it goes on and on...
left my soul out lost my mind on the sidewalk somewhere...
here and there i looked for myself everywhere and it goes on and on...
thoughts of this and that feelings all come to mean nothing...
why where what how whether neither...
either ways doubts and it goes on and on...
lost a lot gained a little gathered pieces broken stolen self respect and it goes on and on...
tear torn tattered leaving bit by bit behind...
finder keeper night walker dream chaser winner loser and it goes on and on
tired taken kept forsaken seeking sought love the wrath of god and it goes on and on...
breathe fire ashes blown tears hidden pain unknown bosom slashed fingers encashed and it goes on and on...
never ever always forever my own our own their own hidden never shown and it goes on and on...
this is the day that is the way this is where you enter this is where i exist you are the solemn human i am the cursed beast and it goes on and on
freckled speckled bedazzled urged nudged nursed the last the first and it goes on and on...
held felt wept laughed shrieked shrunk bloom gloom stood together fought together fought each other kissed the upper lip u kissed the nether and it goes on and on...
a bond of blood a bond of soul a bond of bonds a bond of the bonds of bond lost never found and it goes on and on...
depth of the sea the depth of sleep the dead of the night the wake of the dawn the sleep of the demons the waking up of angels and it goes on and on...
bundle of nerves bundle of wealth bundle of fortunes lost bundles opened and left bundles of gold turned to stone rub spit shine polish make it turn and it goes on and on...
turn your back get back stay back the beauty and me the hunchback poetry short story narrative repetitive say it all sketch it all make you see make you believe and it goes on and on...
strung out stuck out stood up walked on and it goes on and on...
look up look down never look back and it goes on and on...
besides myself inside myself within myself without myself and it goes on and on...

home is where you are

brick by brick we've built a house...

inch by inch we've made it into our home...

the colours of the wall..

the fabric of the drapes...

and the direction of the french window opening into our lawn...

day after day..we've imagined it all...

now all i wish for...

is to hold your hand...

and walk together into what no longer is just a dream

our quaint little home, by the beach and the sea..

and look into each others eyes and know

we now have something that is our very own

Mis.Justice (Work In Progress)