Sally on the Wall

devolve

i ran
as fast as i could
desperate to find a corner
a corner so blindingly dark
that it would scare the lights
a corner so solemnly silent
that it would scare the screams
i ran
as fast as i could
but perhaps i ran too fast
life, along with that corner
passed me by

choke

i looked around

i looked within

sea, is what i see

everywhere

gentle at times

at times rough

cradles me sometimes

throws me away the other

tries to rescue me

and tries to drown me

the sea loves me so much

that it can hardly bare to see me

happy without her

happiness is demanding

bleed,
glee,
bleed.

bleed out.

spread out.

paint me.

from head to toe.

if you truly love me,
glee,
you would bleed,
some more.

bit of a moment,

you bite on at one end.

the other end i have firmly between my teeth.

stretched as we move away,

piece of mind juggles on this trampoline.

it will all come together.
once.
with finality.
before you fall apart.
completely.

set free

I grind stone to a fine powdery dust
As a rehearsal
Hoping some day I could do the same
For my soul
Which lies heavy, chunky, gradually solidifying
Within me

He talks to me in broken sentences
Tells me
From the time I was a child
I wished to flow
From the time I saw
I wished not to be everlasting but just happy
From the time I understood
I knew you for what you are
A thin, opaque, perforated sheet of plastic
Light not passing through
Along with me, held captive by you
From the time I could talk
I wished for meaningful conversations
But all you could do was mumble
Like looking within you was beyond you

We rarely talk now, me and my soul
Me because of the guilt and my soul because its pointless
But we sit sometimes, side by side on the bank of a river
Staring at rippled images of our selves
Drowning, melting, fading like liquid dreams
And then sometimes he looks sideways and looks at me
And I look right back

I try and tell him that I am trying
I am trying to grind the stone to a fine powdery dust
As a rehearsal
For a day when I would be able to grind myself
For my soul
For a day when I would be able to reduce myself to dust
A pile of dust
And be blown away and mix with the waters of this river
Mixed with liquid dreams
And set my soul free
And pray for it to be happy