ashes

i burn my home down
and i sit and watch
as it goes up in flames

i sit and watch
till it turns
to ashes

i burn my home down
the flaming torch
to my cold, blue, winter games

a handful of ash
i pocket
some
i smear on my forehead

for years
for a lifetime
my home
housed me

and
now

in my pocket
and rubbed into
the lines on my forehead
i carry it around

i am
sullied
and baptized
i am
homeless
and without walls

i am
my home
i
burnt down

brimful

you do not write much
you do not write too often
but when you do
those two
words
that you write
i gather them

i hold them
those two words
with the exact same care
that i
gather air
i hold them
like i would 
collect a stream of fresh water

in the hollow base of my palm

i take
your two words
and fill balloons with them
words, words like helium
filled in balloons
of pastel shades
balloons made out of satin
tied down
with silk threads
to a mahogany writing table

those two words
that you write
around which
every other thing
stays 
yet
fades
becomes
conspicuous
by its absence
stands out
like people around us
would
in the plains of
invisibility

those two words
you write
are like you
like the morning dew
like grains of sand
like scent of an ocean
like a scarf
made out of
the summer sky
wrapped around
an august neck

those two words
you write
are like you
like
crystal cubes of
saccharine
melting away

like
you
who i gather 
in little
smooth
shape shifting
coffee cups

you
who
do not write much
you
who
do not write too often

but when you do...

a tree. the wilderness and an infinite infinity.

when we get tired

wondering about

wandering in

this infinite space

i will find us a tree

a tree by the lake

willingly offering

some shade

we'll stand underneath it

for a bit

appreciating

smiling

grinning

like two content fools

we'll stand for a bit

and let the leaves fall

leaves that gave 

into the gentle

tempting caresses of

the breeze

a breeze with the heart of a wind

a wind with the legs of a windstorm

causing flutters

and sensations

in us

ground up

starting from the sole

of our feet

weakening our knees

tracing the tremble

on our thighs

sucked in

sucked in by our hungry

abdominal cavities

stoking the fire in our

quicksilver bellies

warming our breaths

clasping our chests

measuring our gasps

disrobing our sights

untying us

from our forbidden selves

over us

all over us

like confetti

yes

we'll stand

for a bit

underneath that tree

and then

we shall

sit

rest

for a bit

and then

when

we feel like it again

we'll

start
wondering about

we'll start
wandering in

the wilderness

of this

infinite space

tristan

a very gradual fade

veins carrying coal

to your heart

arteries carrying saline

from mine

standing at the edge of a cloud

no wings to fly

no will to try

we've bled out

oceans through our eyes

we've answered every question

with a why

why

my chest

an open sky

on a summer night

the sweat beads

on my upper lip

the fissures

in your eyes

one reflecting light

the other letting it pass through

the rainbow between

the cusp of our palms

an upside down slide

colors dripping away

look,

how our rainbow has

turned white

words turning

in to floating burned flakes of

paper

in our mouths

we look at each other

two people

two people

who look like

sand clocks

quietly

slipping away

trying to fill up

the craters

on the face

of the moon

not any time soon

not any time soon

constellations

a thing or two about stopgap arrangements and killing time.

at sea and drowing

dipped in acid
to wash away
the satin stains
of the gentle

this is no world
for the gentle
or the kind
the forgiving
or the loving

especially the loving

lover
oh lover
leave this world
there isn't enough room
for you

here

or

anywhere

your bitter heart
and its broken shards
are dousing this world
in acrid rain

the stench

of your moth eaten
love-letters
and dried petals
and ticket stubs
and lipstick cups
and carefully wrapped
gift wrapping papers

is sucking up

the oxygen around the rest of us
eating away at the ozone
poking holes
leaving us with burnt
screaming
body and souls

lover
oh lover
leave this world
your weight is too much for us
to bear
you bare
you wear
your heart on your sleeves
and your naked sighs
and heaves
and gasps
setting up traps
trying to catch
our attention
when we have none
to spare

not for you

not now

not 

ever

oh lover



leave this world
this isn't a place for you

things written in red ink

how long can you chase
the feeling of that 
odd ball of soiled
erstwhile cotton
riding a roller-coaster

up and down
down and up
sideways
either ways
neither ways
going nowhere
scraping everywhere

don't you just wish
you could
thrust your hand
inside your mouth
deep down
your throat
and grab
the slimy end
of this cotton ball

and tug
tug hard
make it come undone
unfurled
unraveled

and then pull
purge yourself
from its
spidery web threads

pull it out gently
inch by inch

can you feel the space
that new found space
in the hollow of your abdomen
and the cavity of your chest

as the threads give way
as they make way
for the fresh air to rush in
for the sun-rays to shine in

don't you just wish
you could split yourself
open
down the middle
and air out

inside out
this old museum
that you have been curating
guarded by cages of your ribs
and breast plates
love and hate
love and hate

don't you just wish
that you could unclog
yourself
of this
cotton ball
which has rolled all over
and around a lot
and yet has gathered all the moss
the moss of memories
the moss of the number of times
you have had to bury yourself
the moss of the number of times
you have taken the pyre

the moss of all the times you remember
the moss of all the times you can't forget
the moss
the moss of loss
a choking mass
the moss of
broken mirrors
and one way
see through window glass

don't you just wish
to finally slay
all that
which has
slayed your
libido
your hunger your thirst
all that has robbed you
of your throb
and beats
and rhythmic feet

don't you just wish

don't you just wish
that the misery of the burned out synapses
and the short-circuited nerve endings
would finally come to an end

the tingles
the shudders
the surprises
the shocks
the human
that you once were
now parading around 
as indifferent

don't you wish
all that would just stop

the cotton ball
the moss of loss
don't you just wish
all that would
just stop